Ask Juli
aka "Sure, I Can Answer That, Or Something 2"

  My friend was throwing away old "Teen" Magazines from 1995. I decided the best thing I could do was answer questions that young women had written to "Juli," their resident problem-solver. I mean...if Juli's advice wasn't good enough, there have been girls walking around DIRECTIONLESS for years. So I took it upon me to answer them.

Dear Juli: I have a new boyfriend, and I really like him a lot. But things are moving too fast. What should I do? -- A.D., Alabama.
Babygirl, you know how after a night hurricane, the sky gets very clear and the early morning is so quiet that you can hear a pin drop? Well, sexual relationships can be the same way. If you want a man to back off, you've got to offer him something. Why not put out now, and have your peace and quiet afterwards? Make it SO good that there won't be a thing in the world he'll want for awhile. Or, you could make it so BAD that he won't want it again. Or maybe you're just dressing like a hoe. Don't dress like a hoe and expect someone to not treat you like one.		 Dear Juli: I recently had sex for the first time, and now I think I might be pregnant. I'm afraid to take a pregnancy test. What are some of the signs of pregnancy? -- In Shock, Ohio.
Being afraid of taking a pregnancy test is a sign you might be pregnant. Also, if you gain a ton of weight and have a baby in your uterus - that's a sign. If your boyfriend starts calling you "My Baby's Momma," - that's a sign. If you get a mother's day card from your kid, that's probably the most easily discerned sign of pregnancy.
Dear Juli: My mom's boyfriend lives with us. He cheats on her and spends all her money. How can I convince her to get rid of him? -- Fuming, California.
Get used to adult relationships, sweetie. If you talk your mom out of this, you could be talking your mom out of the love of her life. Sounds like she's not angry about her boyfriend, so why don't you just leave it alone? When you're old enough to move out, you'll find the same kind of man for your house.

 

 

I'm 14 and totally crazy about a guy who lives in my neighborhood. He's 21. Does age really matter? -- In Love, Virginia.
According to the courts, yes. If he touches you in a suggestive way before you're 18, he can be arrested. Of course, when two people are in love, you can't let stupid things like age or the law get in the way. So how about this - why don't you show how much you love him and go get him a fake ID that says he's 16. Give it to him for his birthday, along with a kiss. Then, if your parents ever walk in on you two playing naked Dance Dance Revolution (which is an excellent nudity game), he can flash the ID and tell them it's cool 'cause he's under 18 - just like you.

Dear Juli: When I go out with my friend Katie, all the guys notice her. How can I get them to notice me too? -- Left Out, Connecticut.
I'm assuming you're fat and Katie's not ALL that beautiful, but next to a fat girl, she's all that. So here's what you do. You get the Hollywood 48 Hour Diet drink - it'll make you drop all your water weight, which will hopefully slim you down to an acceptable level for the weekend. Then, in your thinner body, go out and start meeting as many guys as you can, making sure to engage in oral sex with them on the first date. That way, when you gain back your water weight, the guys will be more accepting of you because they know you've got something to offer them. If you're NOT a fat girl and Katie's just somehow more beautiful than you, you may want to become the "crazy girl." There's one of these in each group of girls. It's the girl who will walk up to a guy in the mall and kiss him, unprovoked. It's the one who will throw her panties at a car full of guys at a red light. You can be this girl and guys will notice you right away. If you're not fat and Katie's not prettier than you, maybe you should just hook up with Katie. Then the both of you will get ALOT of attention.

 

Like those? Read the first set of questions from YM Magazine - Click here!